When adults become your peers

*sigh*

I was at a church book study tonight. It was about The Shack of course, because The Shack is the 'in' thing to talk about these days. It's been six months or so since I've read it; I've forgotten most of it, but I remember thinking that it was good at the time, so you should probably read it too.

It (the book) confirmed for me the idea that God is much more about relationship than rules, that judgment is not an easy taskmaster, and that love, although sometimes difficult for us, is not impossible because the core of God's very being is love.

The book talks about a 'great sadness' - that is, the pain and turmoil, whatever it may be, that you can't help but dwell on and it ends up affecting your very being. The shack itself is a metaphor, a symbol, of a person's heart where the great sadness is locked up and hidden behind a facade. The inside of the shack becomes a cold, hard, and dead place while the outside of the shack is painted nicely with its white picket fence out front; a look that says, 'nothing's wrong here', to keep people from getting a peak of your great sadness that is killing you on the inside.

In theory, at some point or another, everyone struggles with their own great sadness. And that's where I ran into a brick wall tonight.

My own general preconceptions, which I have carried with me from childhood, are that a) Adults have it all together, and b) Children are burden-free.

Now, just to clarify, I don't generally consider myself an adult. I'm hitting the big 2-9 tomorrow, but adult I am not. Adults, after all, have children who are my age. My parents are adults, and my friends' parents are adults, therefore, I am still a child. Besides, I don't feel like I have 'it all together', and adults do, so obviously I'm ain't no adult yet. (yo)

Back to book study: there I am, younger than anyone there by at least 25 years; a room full of adults and me. And everyone there is talking about their great sadnesses, times when they hurt, when they question, and doubt, and are conflicted. Current situations where they feel like they don't know what to do, they don't have the answers, they don't have it together.

But, wha... no, wait, uh - no. Adults aren't allowed to feel that way!

And there I am, a child in their eyes, (in my own eyes), with burdens and great sadness of my own; my shack locked up tighter than Fort Knox and my picket fence all white and gleaming on the outside. Dare I say, I couldn't admit to them that I have my own great sadness because I didn't want them to think that someone as 'young' as me would/could possibly be burdened by anything.

Talk about turning my preconceived notions on their heads! So if adults don't have it all together, and children carry around just as many burdens as the adults... then, holy crap! Who has the answers??

And suddenly, these people who were once my sure-footed wisened elders are now my burdened-down doubting questioning peers. God help us all!