Kindergarten Angst

My boyfriend's nephews went to their first full day of junior kindergarten yesterday.  They seemed to have fun.  Here's to you little dudes!  May the next 15 years of your lives be filled with easy homework assignments and lots of pizza parties!

I have very little memory of my early childhood - heck, I have very little memory of yesterday!  Unfortunately for me, my most vivid memories involve instances which scarred me (both physically and emotionally) and fed my incredible shyness and low self-confidence like the fiery  monsters that they are.  Although I don't wish it on anyone, I'd like to think that this happens to all children, and that we usually come out the on other side as well-rounded and stable individuals.

The year was 1985...
I remember sitting cross-legged on the carpet in front of the teacher with my 30 other classmates.    We were having a discussion about what ingredients we could put into cookies or on top of cupcakes.  Chocolate chips, nuts and raisin had all been covered - now the teacher was testing our creativity!  What else, what else....?

I knew.  I had a great idea!  Ah!  It would be soooo good on top of a cupcake!  And no one else has said it yet!  I've got this in the bag!  Oooh.. should I put up my hand?!  Too shy to say anything for fear of getting the answer wrong and being laughed at (I had yet to learn that adage that 'there are no wrong answers when you're brainstorming' bs), I sat squirming full of excitement and trepidation.  Finally, the teacher eyed me.

"Amy, you look like you've got an ingredient to say", said the teacher.

"MUSHROOMS!", I said excitedly.  They would be awesome in cookies!  But my teacher's face said otherwise.  Starting to worry, my mind started racing.  But... my mom uses mushrooms all the time when she bakes! [editors note: dear Lord, yes, I realize now how bad this sounds!]  I love mushrooms; everyone loves mushrooms!  All white and puffy.  Is this teacher off her rocker?  Does she not know what a mushroom is??  I feel like an idiot!  Panic.

"Mushrooms are good Amy, but I don't think they'd go very well in a cookie."  Shot down by my favourite teacher, I was confused and just a little hurt.  ...but... they're mushrooms....

The very next kid to answer shouted out "MARSHMALLOWS!!".
And the teacher breathed a sigh of relief - not all her students were mentally deficient in the baked goods category, "Yes, Marshmellows would be great!"

But... I just said that, I thought to myself.  That's what I said, he just copied me!  Why is it right when he says it but not when I....

Oh.  Crap.

Had I known what swearing was at the time, I probably would have dropped my first f-bomb right there.  Marshmallows, of course, is what I meant to say, but not what had come out.  Idiot.

I didn't willingly provide an answer in class again until 1998.

"Instead of Burning..."

Not that I want to dwell on the subject, because quite frankly I think we can all be a little immature when the subject turns to religion, and who's is best, but... I happened across a blog post on Facebook this morning that falls in line with what I've been trying to say all along.

Brian McLaren is a very well respected pastor/writer/theologian/speaker in the evangelical church, and a forerunner in exploring the Christian faith in a postmodern world. 


Essentially,his blog and my thoughts intersect at these points:  How can we judge either the Koran, or the Bible, without having actually taken the time to read it and learn about it?  How can we fairly judge another religion if all we're ever doing is comparing our best aspects against their worst aspects?  And why would we bother taking offense when one is burned?  If you're carrying your holy text around with you on paper, then you're doing it wrong.  Your holy text should be carried with you in your mind and in your heart - that way it can influence your life and your interactions with others.  A paper copy is no more than a reference book, and an easily duplicated one at that.  The bible is apparently the best selling book of all time; I'm sure there are millions of copies of the Koran floating around too.  Go ahead and take my paper copy, tear it apart, burn it if you must; it can easily be replaced.  I'll probably be a little annoyed at you, but it's not going to ruin my day, or my faith, because I carry around the essentials with me, within me, and the rest I just Google!

Brian's whole blog post can be read here:  "Instead of Burning, try Learning"

Maybe a little better use of your energy?

By far, the best comment I have heard regarding this whole Koran burning thing went something like this:

If these idiotic religious extremists (the ones who fly planes into buildings, and burn books/flags, kill people, or play with little boys) would focus their energy on something useful like feeding starving children, or helping the homeless, or drilling wells in Africa, this world would be a much better place.

Ain't that the truth.

Because of a comic, I have learned that Emily Dickinson's poem, "Death", can be sung to the tune from Gilligan's Island.  I now have a new found appreciation for poetry.

Here, try it yourself:


Because I could not stop for Death,
He kindly stopped for me;
The carriage held but just ourselves
And Immortality.

We slowly drove, he knew no haste,
And I had put away
My labor, and my leisure too,
For his civility.

We passed the school, where children strove
At recess, in the ring;
We passed the fields of gazing grain,
We passed the setting sun.

Or rather, he passed us;
The dews grew quivering and chill,
For only gossamer my gown,
My tippet only tulle.

We paused before a house that seemed
A swelling of the ground;
The roof was scarcely visible,
The cornice but a mound.

Since then 'tis centuries, and yet each
Feels shorter than the day
I first surmised the horses' heads
Were toward eternity.

How many politicians does it take...?

This article showed up on my news feed today:

Obama administration mulls call to Florida pastor over Koran burning

The Obama administration is discussing whether to call a Florida pastor to ask him to call off plans for a Koran-burning day that U.S. leaders have warned could endanger American troops abroad, the Pentagon said on Thursday.
“That possibility is currently under discussion within the administration,” Pentagon spokesman Geoffrey Morrell said when asked whether U.S. leaders would call the head of the small Florida church. “I don’t believe they’ve come to any resolution yet.” 

Really??  Really, really??
It takes 30 seconds to make a phone call. 
Maybe they just can't find the phone number?  Well, here:

Dove World Outreach Centre
5805 Northwest 37th Street
Gainesville, FL 32653, United States
(352) 371-2487

 ...a name like 'Dove World Outreach', you'd think they'd be a little more peaceful.


And from here, this blog could turn to any number of subjects such as:

a) Muslims are wrong
b) Christians are wrong
c) Book burning is wrong
d) This is why people hate religion
e) Leave it to a 'Bible-thumping, USA-loving' Southerner
f) Violence begets violence
g) Tolerance & goodwill & grace

But, really, what's the point?  It doesn't matter what is said in regards to this, differences of opinion abound and we'll all just end up fighting with each other.  Call me a pacifist if you like; I'm not the one who's going to be getting myself killed over arguments in which no one actually wins.  It's not like any of this bickering and fighting and book burning is going to do us any good when an asteroid smashes into the earth anyway!

The silly thing is that this could have all been avoided if only Abraham hadda been a little nicer to Ishmael instead of making Isaac the favourite son!

Back to School! (suckers!)

There's something about this time of year that makes me want to go out and buy pencil crayons and new erasers!  I want to get a whiff of a UHU Glue stick, and open a brand new binder.  Find a bargain on lined paper, and buy a new ball point pen!

Then I could spend an afternoon organizing my pencil box; throwing out the stumps of old pencils and sharpening new ones.  Colour coding my binders to my classes (red = english, blue = math, green = science); filling my backpack to make sure everything fits....

Yes.  I love back to school. 

Ok, mostly I like organizing and having new things.

I disliked school.  Well, the idea of school - no one in their right mind would admit to liking school!

Yep.  I'm glad that part of my life is over.  And hey, now that I'm a responsible adult with a job and a car and all that, I can go buy office supplies anytime I want!

...I think a trip to Staples in order. I could use a new box of crayons...

Stuff it Canada Post!

Recently, there was an article in the local newspaper about our local MPP being incredulous that Canada Post postal works suddenly cannot deliver mail to Rural Route addresses. (RR# - essentially just large geographical areas assigned to mail carriers who deliver mail, by vehicle, to mailboxes at the end of peoples' lane ways.)  Instead of delivering this mail in the same manner as they have been for the past 100 years or so, they have started returning letters back to the sender as 'address unknown'.

Our politician, who is speaking for the people (after having received a number of complaints), has a point. After all, what has changed between yesterday and today that has caused the mail carriers to suddenly forget where 'Mr & Mrs Smith of RR2 Somewhereville' live?

The thing is, a Civic Address System, (a process of naming all the roads in the County, and assigning numbers to every property), was put into place in this area close to 10 years ago.  At that time Canada Post told us that they would eventually expect those civic addresses to become part of the daily mailing routine. Now they're following up on that, and people are surprised, shocked and angry. ...gasp...

Realizing that I send out a lot of mail from my office to RR addresses, (a large majority of people in the area have these addresses), it is possible that I could suddenly be flooded with returned mail - costing me time, and my employer money. So I did what any good bookkeeper would do, wrote up an 'addressing 101' memo, and emailed it to the staff. Here it is for you:

-------------

The rules for properly addressing an envelope have changed over the years; Canada Post has an extensive addressing guideline which can be found here:  http://www.canadapost.ca/tools/pg/manual/PGaddress-e.asp

Here are the basics:

 - Use ALL CAPITAL LETTERS.  For the name, street address, province, postal code - everything.

example:
AMY BEIRNES
ST MARYS CHURCH
554 THIS ST E
TOWN ON  N4K 1X3
(make sure to include one space between the town and province; two spaces between the province and the postal code; and one space between the first 3 digits of the postal code and the last 3 digits)



 - DO NOT use punctuation (unless it is part of a proper name ie: LION'S HEAD)

example:
Don't do this: R.R.#2.  Instead, write it like this: RR 2  (make sure to include one space between 'RR' and the number)

Don't do this: 842 2nd St. S., Apt. #2. 
Instead, write it like this: 842 2ND ST S APT 2  Or  like this: 2 - 842 2ND ST S  (either way is acceptable)



 - Civic Addresses (or street addresses) are written on the line above rural route or PO Box addresses.

example:
AMY BEIRNES
623460 REALLY LONG RD NAME RD
RR 2
TOWN ON N0H 1B0

or:
AMY BEIRNES
123 LOUKES LANE
PO BOX 123
TOWN ON N0V 1E0


This example, (with only the rural route listed):
  AMY BEIRNES
  RR 2
  TOWN ON  N0V 1R0
will likely be returned to you as 'unknown address'.  You MUST include the civic address.
This is especially important in our area as many, many people live on rural routes.  If someone gives you a rural route number as an address, ask that person for the full civic address.


- The Town, Province, and Postal Code all go on the same line.  Always.

example:  TOWN ON  N4K 1X3
Remember to put 2 spaces between the province abbreviation and the postal code.

If you are sending mail out of the country, the country name goes under this line.
TOWN ON  N4K 1X3
CANADA


 - Provinces are written with the 2 letter abbreviations, not the old 3 letter abbreviations

example: AB, MB, BC, NB, NL, QC, SK, ON, YK, NT, NU, NS, PE
NOT: Ont, Que, PEI, etc...



 - Return addresses should be formatted in the same way, and be placed at the top left hand corner OR on the back of the envelope at the top.




Happy Mailing!

Won't someone please think of the Children?

AND LEAVE THEM AT HOME!!!

So, I've been playing ball this summer.  On a team.  We have uniforms and everything.

I haven't played ball on a team since I was about 16.  It's good times.  I was pretty rusty at the start of the season, but I'm back on my game now.

It's slow pitch, ('fag ball' as some lewd people like to call it), which is remarkably harder than it seems.  I used to play softball - you always knew where the ball was going to go when it was pitched to you.  In softball a strike is a pitch that crosses over the plate between your knees and your shoulders.  It comes in pretty straight, and it's roughly in the same place every time.  In slow pitch, on the other hand, the pitch is lobbed in (with a minimum 6ft arc) and as long as it lands somewhere on the 2 x 3ft board, it's a strike.  Totally different ball game.

We also pride ourselves in losing every. single. game.  It really takes off the pressure when you know you're going to lose!  It's good fun though.  We're not wrapped up in the score, we're there for the fun. 

And the cold beer.  We've even got a 'club house' overlooking the ball diamond.

It's a great night out with the girls!

Until the children ruin it.

Most of the girls play ball for the very reason to get out of the house, away from the kids or dirty dishes or whatever, and have a fun evening.

Now, I don't mind kids showing up to watch the game - as long as they behave and are supervised.

But it's really hard to concentrate on the ball game when you're standing out in the field and your child is over in the dugout crying.

*sigh*  We had a soccer ball land in the middle of our game the other night.
We had a kid standing on the field.
We had a kid trying to go cry on his mom's shoulder while she was playing 3rd base.
We've had so many kids in the dugout at one time that there isn't room for the players.
We've had the dugout bench fall over on top of a kid on more than one occassion.
We let one kid keep score, but he gets distracted halfway through every inning and screws up the score sheet.
They take over the clubhouse after the game, sit in our chairs, and eat all our snack food.
And they're mouthy.  Not all of them... but some of them.


So, How do you tell a mother to leave her annoying kids at home?

TOU

It is currently 12:36am.  Instead of going to bed like I should, (I'll pretend that my apartment is too hot to sleep just for argument's sake), I have just created my online account at Hydro One in order to view my 'Time of Use' electricity usage.

It's interesting.  I'll give it that.  You can view your hydro usage by the hour, day, or month.  It's also all broken out into off-peak, mid-peak, and on-peak times so that you can see exactly when you are burning up energy.

I have these strange peaks in my hydro throughout the day (even when I'm not at home) that I can only contribute to my computer.  Or maybe my freezer - I don't know, maybe it defrosts a lot while I'm at work (maybe it just permanently defrosts... that would explain why my ice cream is always soft.  ...ANYWAY  The point is, through the week I seem to be using more hydro between the hours of 9am-11am than at any other time of the day.  Hot water heater maybe?  Trying to heat up all that water I misplaced while showering?  Or is someone living in my apartment while I'm at work?

I also get these spikes during the weekend.  4 or 5 times during the day my hydro usage just shoots up in a big spike.  I'm assuming its my computer turning on and doing computer-y things.

The BEST part about seeing my hydro usage, (isn't it great that we Canadians have so many words for that juice that keeps our lights on?  'Hydro', 'electricity', 'energy', 'power'....), is that Hydro One has so graciously included calculations of the cost of the energy you're using.  For example, in July, I used $5.29 during on-peak, $9.36 during mid-peak, and $7.95 during off peak.  For a grand total of $22.60.

SO WHY THE HELL WAS MY BILL $59.94?!?!?!

If you're going to charge 'delivery' and 'debt retirement' fees which amount to MORE than the actual energy usage, do us all a favour and build those fees into the price of the electricity!

If I could go off-grid I would.


Edit:
Ok, I know that it's no surprise that we get billed the extra fees like 'delivery' and 'debt retirement'; it's not new.  It just really ticks me off that it makes up 2/3 of my bill and I have no control over it.

This whole Time of Use thing was 'supposed' to allow us to look at our energy use patterns and encourage us to change our habits, thus lowering our energy consumption and costs.  At least, that was the story they've been feeding us.

Last month, according to my smart meter, I burned about $23 worth of electricity.  That's 75 cents a day; 3 cents an hour.  It's pretty much completely impossible for me to lower my energy consumption habits any lower than they already are.  Unless I want to unplug my fridge.  Maybe I should just start flipping my breakers off when I leave for the day...

And no, I don't really think that going off grid is the answer either.  The capital expenses and equipment maintenance costs involved in that make it pretty much out of reach for the average person.  I'm sure there are reasons for that - if there was a mass exodus of people from the grid, there wouldn't be enough customers left on the grid to maintain it.  Hydro costs would either skyrocket, or the whole system would collapse.

Maybe we should be stockpiling candles and kerosene.