3 Months

Today is April 13th.  3 months from today is July 13th - the 'official' due date.  So, to celebrate, here is another list of stuff that I dislike about this whole process:


1. Mama.  *I* am not 'Mama'.  Not to this baby, and definitely not to you.  My name is Amy.  Please continue calling me Amy.  I hate that word 'mama' soooooo much.  Like nails on a chalkboard, only worse.

2.  The 'due date' conversation.  It goes something like this:
"When are you due?"  "Mid-July."  "Yeah, but, when?  What's the actual date?"
Well, friends, technically, according to the fetal measurements taken by the ultrasound tech (who, incidentally, has absolutely no idea when the 'bedroom party' took place), I will be at exactly 40 weeks gestation on July 13th.  However, it is perfectly healthy and normal for a baby to be born anytime between 37 and 42 weeks gestation.  I know someone who recently had a healthy baby at 35 weeks, and someone else who almost went the full 42 weeks.  There is, in fact, only a 5% chance that baby will be born on the doctor-predicted due date.  So, when I say mid-July, it's because no one knows for sure....

3.  The 'baby just has to be born on my birthday' conversation.  From what I've read, baby probably isn't going to make a grand entrance into the world just because it's your birthday - and I'm certainly not going to try to hold it in for an extra day just for your birthday!  Do you have any idea how popular July is as a birthday month?  There's a reasonably good chance that I might hit one of your birthdays, but I can't please all of you! Take solace in the fact that there are only 365 days to the year and over 6 billion people (or is that 7 billion now?) in the world.  You probably share a birthday with at least one other person already.

4. "Geez, do you even have a bump yet?  When I was pregnant I was SOOOO much bigger than you!"   So?  I'm also 6 inches taller than you.  Do you want to fight about it?  Or do you want me to feel sorry for you?  Really, there's not a lot I can do about it, I promise.

5.  "How much weight have your gained anyway?"  That's really none of you *&^$# business.  I hit numbers on the scale yesterday that I've never seen before in my life!  And it didn't feel very good.  And I'm just going to gain more for the next 3 months.  So, buzz off.  ...and pass me the cupcakes.

Oh, and by the way, sisters-in-law get automatic baby-bump touching privileges (mostly because I can't stop them, even when I promise them that the baby isn't kicking), but NO ONE ELSE DOES!!  Just remember, I'm a raging hormonal pregnant woman - I can kill you now and get away with it!