Break of the curse

'Natural' Childbirth be damned!

No, seriously, it's biblical - something tucked into that very first book about Eve having eaten a forbidden fruit and God punishing all of women-dom with painful childbearing.

I spent an extraordinary amount of time reading up about this whole pregnancy and labour thing over the past year or so, because, quite frankly, it scared the bejeezus out of me.  I found an incredibly helpful website which, if you find yourself pregnant, I would highly recommend to you: www.babycenter.ca.

This website has it all.  Everything, EVERYTHING, you could possibly want to know about pregnancy, childbirth, dealing with cranky babies (and toddlers, and husbands, and hormones), and everything in between.  ...And a whole lot of stuff you'd probably rather not know!

This website also has a forum where you can log in and post your own questions or feelings or experiences and others can comment and leave their own thoughts and opinions on the matter.  Sometimes, it's helpful to hear it from others who have walked the walk ahead of you.  Other times, it's just damn annoying!

Over the months I have spent reading these forums, and gleaning helpful hints and tips from them, I have come to realize that there are some mothers out there with simply too much time on their hands.  They have an agenda and they must spend 90% of their day trolling these forums simply to spread their agenda to the poor impressionable first-time pregnant women.  Honestly, I don't know how they have so much free time to spend sitting on the internet responding to everything on the forums - but they do!  And they are very opinionated.

The agenda, of course, is all-natural childbirth.  Get a midwife, deliver at home, don't take drugs, only breastfeed, use cloth diapers, make sure you co-sleep with your newborn, and carry your new baby 24-7 like some sort of monkey. blah, blah, blah

Now, being that approximately 100,000,000,000 women have all done this whole childbearing thing aux-natural over the past bajillion years or so, their arguments for natural childbirth are pretty convincing.  And being a first-timer with no idea what to really expect, and no idea how your body will handle the experience, and really no idea what your pain threshold is, or how painful the whole thing really is (maybe they just say it's painful to make their husbands feel bad??), you start to think - yeah, if they could do this, than so can I, gosh darn it!  After all, there are some really good reasons for keeping things 100% organic.

Well, let me tell you - childbearing IS a curse from God.  And it is a pain like you have never felt before.  But I'm pretty sure that the day the human race figured out the epidural was the day that God lifted the curse on childbearing.  Sure, He was pissed at Eve, and he punished her, and every woman along with her.  It may have taken 6,000 years, but I think He got over it and graced us with the ability to create drugs to stop the pain.  And let me tell you - the drugs are good.

I was, umm, 'blessed' with the experience of enduring active labour drug-free for a number of hours.  It was bearable; but it sucked.  And it hurt.  And it was uncomfortable.  And it was kind of scary because there was this constant unknown of 'ok, that one hurt a lot; are they going to get worse?  Or is that the worst?  I can deal with this if that's the worst, but if it gets worse than this..... just shoot me now!' - and no one can answer those questions for you.

I was then blessed with the opportunity to take the drugs.  The caveat being that you've gotta sit perfectly still, even through the most painful of contractions, while they shove a giant needle in your back - not an easy task.  But let me tell you, the drugs are like a vacation.  They make labour easy, almost enjoyable - worth doing again.  And I'm not afraid to say that next time, should there be a next time, I won't try to tough it out, I won't be a hero, I'll take the drugs.  I won't wait; I'll take them as soon as they're offered.  I'll request the drugs.  I'll sign up for the drugs now!  The curse is broken!  Childbearing doesn't have to be painful anymore!  Amen.