Fruit in the Room

One Sunday, the Pastor was speaking to the children during the church service.  He had prepared an object lesson to convey his message:

Putting an apple and an orange on the pulpit, he asked the children to describe them, and received a number of excited responses.


"They're both sweet."
"They've both got seeds."
"They're both good for you."
"They can both be peeled."
"They both grow on trees!"




He had not asked the children to describe similarities, but that is what the children focused on.
"Are they related?" he asked.
"Well, they're both fruit", someone replied.

Most folks use the term 'comparing apples and oranges' when they're discussing two items that seemingly have absolutely nothing in common.  But even a child can see that apples and oranges really do have a number of similarities.

"The people here at church are a lot like these apples and oranges", the Pastor continued.  "At first glance, we seem to all be very different and unique individuals, but when you really look, we've all got a lot in common.  We're even all related under God; we're brothers and sisters in Christ, and that makes us a family!  Not all of us are apples, and not all of us are oranges, but we're all fruits!"


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Creative liberties aside, this is a true story.  Honestly, I couldn't make this stuff up if I tried!  This past Sunday my Pastor just narrowly sidestepped calling his entire congregation a bunch of fruits.  He had it half out of his mouth before he, (and most of the congregation), realized what he was about to say.  It had been a really great little lesson for the kids too, until everyone started laughing.

On a similar fruity note, I work with a Polish priest; his English is decent, but sometimes he'll be at a loss for a word, and will come asking for help.  On this particular day, he was going to be talking to a group of high school students and needed a word that was on their level, something he could joke about, but also not offend anyone.  He was looking for a word to decribe a a male, who wasn't necessarily gay, but who was overly feminine in nature.

Fruity.

He had never heard this term before and thus began my 10 minute conversation with a Polish Priest discussing 'fruity'.

As my BF pointed out, it would have been easier to simply show him a clip of Richard Simmons!

Hope you have a fruit-full day!

Snot Monsters

My BF's mother has good intentions, really, she does.  And when she invites us over for homemade pizza, you know it's going to be good - really, really good.  And so, when the pizza call came in the other day, I was there faster than two shakes of a puppy's tail.

Little did I know that I was walking into a full scale snot factory, complete with three little snot monsters hard at work.

The first one looked cute and innocent enough, and caught me off guard with a great big hug right at the door.  It was only after I had put him down that I realized he was an infectious goober head.  Still cute though.

The second one was disguised as a normal little kid.  She blew her cover when she'd hardly even look at me, let alone talk to me, which is very peculiar for this child, and I knew right away that she was trying to hide an illness.  That, or she was feeling a little envious of her brother & cousin missing a day of school and was just faking it; either way, she was looking a little green.  I spent the evening keeping this undercover snot monster at bay with a 10ft pole - which might sound a little mean, but precautions must be taken.

The third snot monster was in full form - covered in green slime and coughing his evil little germs on every person and surface in sight.  I still cringe at the thought of the trail of ooze he was leaving behind him.  Sweat and slime and snot bubbles - this child had already been living in snot monster misery for a number of days and was hardly even recognizable as a little boy any more. 

The rest of the hacking and snorting in the house was coming from a number of adults who, thankfully, were being a little more responsible with their contagiousness.

Suffice to say, it was the shortest visit on record to my BF's parents' house.

But I think I still managed to pick up a souvenir.

*cough**cough**hack**sneeze**sigh*....