A Different kind of Journey

A couple weeks ago, I loaned out my hiking backpack to a co-worker who will be hiking part of the Grand Canyon this winter.

I am insanely jealous.

A couple years ago, I was supposed to go on an epic girls adventure to Las Vegas, which would have included a close up and personal view of the Grand Canyon.  For reasons beyond my control, my plane never left Buffalo.  Rainy, boring Buffalo.

When I found out that this co-worker, and her husband, and a few other people were going to be actually hiking IN the Grand Canyon, well, it was all I could do to contain myself.  What an excellent adventure!  I sure did get right on the internet, look up the Grand Canyon National Park website, find all the maps, do all the price calculations, and plan myself an epic two week Grand Canyon road trip - complete with a five day hike through the canyon!

Trouble is, I'm pregnant.  This trip just isn't in the cards for me anytime soon.

So... I loaned out my hiking backpack.  At least IT will get to go to the Grand Canyon!

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Since all six of you who read this blog are related to me, it shouldn't come as a surprise to know that I'm pregnant.  So here's some answers to all the questions I've been getting lately:

Really?? You're pregnant??
Yes.  Yes, most definitely.  Would you like to know which body part the nurse practitioner looked at just to be sure?

When are you due?
Well, by my calculations, July 4th, 2012.  However, I haven't heard the results from the dating ultrasound yet, so I might be off by a couple days.  Also, as we all know, baby comes when baby is damn well ready to come and not a moment before.  It would be perfectly normal for that date to be off by up to two weeks in either direction.  Feel free to start a baby pool (baby could use the extra money!).

Do you know what you're having?
The first, and only, ultra sound that we've currently had was at about 9 1/2 weeks.  It looked an awful lot like a gerbil.

Are you going to find out the sex?
Finding out the sex of your baby before the baby is born is akin to opening up a Christmas present before Christmas Day.  It sounds like a good time, but you end up with nothing to look forward to.  I have no intention of finding out early.  I do have my inklings... but I wouldn't want to bias the baby pool!

How do you feel?
Like a bloated hormonal oven that suddenly has the attention of literally everyone.  Seriously though, compared to some, my first three months were like a walk in the park.  When I felt crappy, it sucked, but it was also very rare, and it seems to be over now.  No talking to Ralph on the big porcelain phone for me (thank you God!).


How long had you been trying?
About.... five minutes.  Dave will try to tell you that he didn't even know we were trying (don't believe him).  Really though, we're both 31 years old; time is not something we have to waste.

Can I touch your belly?
Do you want your fingers broken?  Currently, the little gerbil is less than 2 inches long and tucked neatly behind a pelvic bone.  What you're perceiving as a 'baby bump' is nothing more than Chinese food and horrible bloaty gas.  I suggest you don't touch.


Do you have names picked?
We still have 6 months for that.  I'm really not looking forward to other people's unsolicited opinions for names.  (I'm already getting unsolicited opinions for everything from sleeping arrangements to clothing to strollers - and the news has only been out for a week!)  So, lets just keep name choices a surprise for now.

I check puppy ads on Kijiji a lot.
Puppies are cute and I like them.
Nothing can brighten a day more than being buried under a pile of happy puppies.

It seems, though, that a lot of people are trying to sell made up puppy breeds:


Porkie (Yorkie x pug)
Puggle (Pug x beagle)
Labernese (Lab x Bernese mountain dog)
Jack-Shihtz (Jack Russel Terrier x Shih Tzu)

Terapoo  (Terrier x poodle)
Pompoo (pomeranian x poodle)
Shihpoo (Shih Tzu x poodle)
Morkie (Yorkie x Maltese)

Schnoodle (Schnauzer x poodle)
Pekipug (pug x pekingese)



These are not breeds.
These are what happens when two dogs have unsupervised playtime together.

Giving your accidental batch of puppies cutesy made up names to make them sound like a legitimate breed does not make them any less of a mutt.  And you really shouldn't be charging the $600 you're asking for them.

Top 1%

So, no more GST credit gravy train for me and hubby!  We've been 're-assessed'; one of us can't collect it because we're married now, and the other one can't collect it because we earn too much money between the two of us.

I'll assume that puts us in the top 1% of income earners in the country.  ...right?   Hubby even woke me up EARLY on a SATURDAY to tell me this delightful news!  We're just so excited!

It was a solid 12 year stretch of getting free money four times a year, so, can't really complain I guess.  I just wish the government was a little faster at doing paperwork.  While they were processing, or re-assessing, or sticking pencils up their butts, or something, they gave us each two extra GST cheques that we now have to pay back - a good $300 or so.

But that's alright!  I'm just happy knowing that I'm in the top 1% and don't actually need that money!  I'm glad to live in a country where the government has the foresight to know that.

Speaking of the top 1%;  I don't pretend to know much about what's going on with all this 'Occupy' stuff.  Something about all the poor people thinking it's unfair that all the rich people have all the money - I haven't even tried to follow it, and to be honest, I don't particularly care (I realize that makes me a terrible person, but hey!  I'm in the top 1% now).

But did you see this story in the paper?  Occupy Wall Street Kitchen Staff Protesting Fixing Food for Freeloaders.  I guess the Wall Street movement is so large, they actually have an organized kitchen staff to make meals for everyone (presumably so that the protestors have more time to stand around yelling?), but the kitchen staff is getting dog-gone tired of feeding the homeless people and the vagrants and the ex-cons and, well, you know, the yucky people.  So they've quit cooking until the yucky people go away.

Now, assuming I wasn't in the top 1% of income earners, and I thought that standing on the street yelling at a bank would make them share their money with me more equally, the only way, THE ONLY WAY, I could have time in my life to do that, (protesting 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, for no specific time period), is if I didn't have a job.  And if I didn't have a job, I would soon become homeless.  And then, I wouldn't get fed?  I'm just saying, they're pushing away the very part of society that needs the most help!  Maybe it's really not about the bottom 99% of people, but more accurately, the middle 75-80% of people....

I donno, recently I've considered cracking open the book 'The Irresistible Revolution' by Shane Claiborne again.   It's been awhile since I've read it; the gist of it is about social justice.  And Jesus.  And doing things radically.  Being creative with your responses to social injustice so that you actually make people think and respond.

You know, like that 'turn the other cheek' story.  When Jesus taught about getting slapped on the cheek, turn your head so that they can slap you on the other cheek - he wasn't teaching us to be submissive little nerds who are easy to beat up.  The way a person slaps was culturally significant at the time.  To be hit with the back of the hand was to be hit like a slave, but to be hit with an open palm was to be hit as an equal.  To turn the other cheek is to invite the opposing person to treat you as an equal, rather than the low life scum they assume you are.  THAT's the kind of revolution Jesus led.  It was creative, and it made people think.

Ooh, wouldn't Jesus have a hay day in one of those Occupy camps!  At first, all the Occupy people would be all like 'Sweet, Jesus! We've got the LORD on our side!  He's all about social justice and he's going to clean up Wall Street for us!'

But then Jesus would come into the camp and be all like, 'Holy Lord God Almighty', (he can say that - it's not blasphemous when Jesus says it), 'What are you people doing?!'  And then he'd start with something like, 'you really need to take the logs out of your own eyes before you can work on getting the slivers out of those Wall Street bankers' eyes.  How can you blame them for doing wrong when you're doing so much wrong yourselves?  Honestly people!  You're living here like dirty rats and look like idiots, you think anyone is really going to take you seriously? You've got enough resources, food and shelter but you won't share it with the real poor and homeless who actually need the help? What is wrong with your heads?  Oy Vey!' (Jesus was Jewish, remember?) 'You're letting theft and crime and rape, RAPE, happen right here in your camp while blocking the police from coming in to keep you safe.  Clean up your act, and I'll show you how a real revolution is done!  Oh, and while you're at it, if you'd pay your damn taxes, and invest the rest of your money, instead of spending it on new iPhones every six months, you wouldn't even be in this mess!'

And then he'd feel sorry for them, and heal the sick, and wash their feet, and help them organize a really creative and dignified game plan - one that would probably teach them all to be a little more compassionate towards each other.

One of the reviews of Shane Claiborne's book says this, 'besides illuminating his own faith journey, Claiborne is insightful on the huge U.S. cultural and economic divide: the problem isn't that wealthy Christians [or otherwise] don't care about the poor, he says, it's that they simply don't know the poor.'

In my opinion, the Occupy protest isn't a very positive way for the wealthy to learn about the poor.

Occupy could use some radical Jesus.

IQA

Ooooohmygoodness!

I wish I hadda known about this back when I had a full youth group of kids at my disposal to play games with.

Quidditch.  Muggle Quidditch.

It. Is. REAL!

There is standardized equipment, there are rules, there are handbooks, there are college teams, there is the Internation Quidditch Association (logo above), there is even an annual World Cup!




Who wants to play??!!